


a supportive hype crew is dad culture

by lovelylogans



Series: tumblr fics [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Dad Jokes, Gen, a curious combination of authorial regret and outrageous amount of glee, hype crew, rapping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2020-12-17 18:33:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21059033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelylogans/pseuds/lovelylogans
Summary: If Logan could go back in time to any moment, it would be the precise moment before Patton realized he could summon his...hype crew.Just so he would be able to stop it. Because now—





	a supportive hype crew is dad culture

**Author's Note:**

> i made a post, [here,](https://lovelylogans.tumblr.com/post/169862407181/ok-but-you-know-how-in-his-super-early-vines) about patton still being able to summon up his hype crew, wrote a bit of fic about it, and hit a block until virgilsjourney provided [this post](https://lovelylogans.tumblr.com/post/171060838751/broadwaytheanimatedseries-virgilsjourney-now) that gave me the fuel needed to finish it.

If Logan could go back in time to any moment, it would be the precise moment before Patton realized he could summon his... _hype crew._

Just so he would be able to stop it. Because now—

“First of all, I’m not a rapper,” Patton declared, popping his collar as his hype crew _ooh_ed around him.

“Here we are,” Roman declared, and Logan glared at him, because somehow this was his fault. Logan just hadn’t figured out exactly how yet. “Our challenger today is the one and only Nerdi B, the dork himself, _Logan.”_

Virgil applauded obligingly from where he was standing in the stairwell. Patton’s hype crew scoffed, bumping his shoulders, Patton ducking his hoodied head and grinning.

“And now,” Roman declared, “The main man himself, no need for introduction, it’s—_MORA-**LIT**-YYYYYYYYYYYY!!!”_

The hype crew started screaming, fanning Patton with his hands and clanking against the blinds as they leapt up and down. Patton giggled, waving them down. “Aw, shucks, you guys, stop,” Patton said, grinning. There was bass music coming from somewhere. _Where was the music coming from._

“Patton,” Logan said, only a little despairing, “this is ridiculous, I just asked if—“

“Okay, you know how we start it off, coin toss,” Roman declared, making an ornate golden coin out of thin air, hand twisting. 

“Heads,” Patton said, and Logan smirked when it came down on tails.

“Ha! Tails.”

“Hey, hey, hey, I go first,” Patton said.

“Wait, but—“ Logan said, pointing to the coin, which Roman abruptly vanished.

“When it comes to Patton, he goes first,” Roman said. “Those are just the rules.”

“Then _why have the coin toss_,” Logan demanded, but it went unheard.

“Check it out, check it out,” Patton said, beaming, and someone in the crew hummed in anticipation, the others quieting down so they could properly hear him. “I broke up with my ex-boy,” he said, solemn, and handed Logan a piece of paper. Logan frowned, pushing his glasses up his nose.

“Patton, I would have the number of any ex we’d have, we’re part of the same—“ Logan began, unfolding the paper with a sigh.

“SIKE!” Patton bellowed, slapping the paper out of Logan’s hand. “THAT’S THE WRONG NUMBER!”

Logan very, very calmly closed his eyes and enacted a deep breathing exercise as the hype crew started screaming, lest he begin screaming much louder.

“It’ll be over soon,” Virgil said in an undertone, barely audible over the shouting and hollering. “Uh, however, I _am_ Team Patton in this, so—“

Logan considered the benefits and drawbacks of ducking out for approximately a week’s worth of time, or perhaps just for forever.

“All right, guys, calm it down, calm it down,” Roman chuckled, and they did as Roman said, still clapping at Patton’s shoulders and muttering under their breaths. “Spit it, Patton.”

Patton cleared his throat again, readying his stance. “Cookies,” Patton began. “I eat that.”

“Mhm, mhm,” the crowd (and Roman and Virgil) chorused, a few pretending like they were crunching down on cookies.

“Super hot fire,” Patton continued. “I _spit_ that.”

“_Oooh,” _the group sang out, and Logan said, “Patton, that is clearly nonsensical—“

“Metaphor,” Virgil said, sotto voce, from where he had been folded in amongst the more punk-looking members of the hype crew.

“Winnie the Pooh,” Patton continued. “I _watch_ that.”

He then proceeded to do a trust fall back into Virgil’s arms as the hype crew started enacting their usual tomfoolery around him, and Logan pinched at the bridge of his nose.

_This will all be over soon. It will all be over soon,_ he reminded himself.

“It’s a heartwarming show full of important life lessons,” one of the hype crew declared, a man that towered over the rest of the crew, outfitted in a leather jacket with spikes on the shoulder. The man sniffed, and pointed at Patton. “My man.”

“My man,” Patton agreed, going in for some unnecessarily elaborate handshake that took approximately fifteen seconds. “All right, all right, all right, here we go,” he announced. “I’m about to end Logan’s whole rapping career—”

“Neither of us—_neither of us have careers as rappers—”_

“Glasses, hoodie, shirt,” Patton enunciated, pointing to each article of clothing. “Call me glasses hoodie shirt man.”

“CALL him that!” hollered the man who had gotten passionate over Winnie the Pooh.

“Or call me super hot boy, hundred degrees, cuz I’m super hot, _boiiiiii—”_

The hype crew began fanning at Patton with their hats, their jackets, their hands, and Logan pinched at the bridge of his nose. Objectively, this was a small slice of his lifespan. Comparatively, it felt as if Logan had been rap battling for Patton for a length of time approximately equal to Odysseus’ journey in _The Odyssey, _with just as many trials. 

“Let’s hear what Logan’s got to say.”

Logan opened his mouth, about to start his response, but then a shitty beat began to play as the room darkened. Logan blinked, closing his mouth.

“Patton, if this is some kind of distraction tactic—“

“_Yo,” _[declared a voice, ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgsYH21Gh0Y)and everyone present turned to the couch, where Deceit was crouched in a pose that Logan was assuming was trying to make him look cool. It involved crouching and hands pressed together as if in prayer. He had swapped out the bowler hat for a backwards black baseball cap. “_Yo.”_

“What,” Virgil said, very flatly, as everyone was fixated in the sight in front of them, Deceit bopping absentmindedly to his horrible, horrible beat.

“Yo, I’m King Snake, I’m the king of the lair, and now that you’re in here, you aren’t going anywhere—“

“This is the worst thing to ever happen to me,” Roman said faintly.

“—but _down,_ on the _ground_, cuz I’m gonna kick your ass! I’m sorry I said ass, I don’t mean to be crass—“

“Did he just,” Logan said, belatedly, unsure if he wanted to explode from impatience, second-hand embarrassment, or just from sheer suffering from the truly horrible rap.

“When I’m not busy killin’ like a villain, I write raps—“

Patton cleared his throat, popped his collar, and stepped forwards.

“Boom bam bop,” Patton declared, with a level solemnity that Logan had never seen from him. Deceit faltered, but continued his horrible rhymes. 

“Badabop boom,” Patton continued, and the light began to go flare. Deceit began to waver, coughing, as the beat trailed off.

“Pow.” Patton said simply, and Deceit screamed, vanishing into a burst of light. There was a moment of silence, before Patton turned back to the sides and his hype crew.

“But I’m not a rapper,” he said with a grin, and the hype crew _exploded_, screaming and hollering and jumping up and down.

And it was sick as hell.

**Author's Note:**

> amazingly, this crack fic also has art. [check it out!](https://lovelylogans.tumblr.com/post/171209726751/actually-al-psyche-thats-the-wrong-number)


End file.
